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Recovery is Never Going to be Perfect

 

Recovery is never going to be perfect…

 Breaking free of        distorted thinking        …it’s harder than you think. Just when everything seems to be going smoothly, some niggling voice seems always to come back and haunt me. I’ve been doing well in recovery since I’ve been discharged from hospital but last week for the first time in a while I had, what can only be described as a ‘wobble’. A brief spell in which the thoughts and feelings that once ruled my life returned with vengeance.

The thoughts:    ‘you’re not good enough’       ‘you’re not loveable’    and    ‘you’re not worthy’    were prominent in the height of my disorder, and from speaking to others, reading about anorexia and through therapy sessions seem a common factor in the disorder. So, when you think you’re breaking through and they resurface again, it can be hard firstly not to ignore them, and secondly to overcome them once more. I mean, if they keep remerging then surely there must be some truth in them right?! At least that’s what my brain thought.

Recovery is never going to be      perfect     – I know as many sufferers are perfectionists, meticulous about tiny details or even OCD, this can be tough – but accepting that bumps will crop up along the way and will inevitably delay progress helps in preparing for and dealing with them when they arrive. Just so long as they don’t stick you into reverse – there is no harm done in fact they can make you stronger as a result.

For me it was a large slice of cake – a sense of guilt afterward and a strong desire to reduce lunch to compensate – especially as my family who ate similar amounts in the morning were saying they were full and didn’t want anything. While this may seem only natural, when in recovery, especially when still on a high calorie weight restoring diet, it is important to keep it up, to continue with balanced and equal meals and to treat yourself. To accept that   it’s okay   to go out and enjoy a slice of cake, that its not going to harm you and that you, like anyone else are capable and worthy of enjoying the foods you love.

 


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