Skip to main content

Recovery is Never Going to be Perfect

 

Recovery is never going to be perfect…

 Breaking free of        distorted thinking        …it’s harder than you think. Just when everything seems to be going smoothly, some niggling voice seems always to come back and haunt me. I’ve been doing well in recovery since I’ve been discharged from hospital but last week for the first time in a while I had, what can only be described as a ‘wobble’. A brief spell in which the thoughts and feelings that once ruled my life returned with vengeance.

The thoughts:    ‘you’re not good enough’       ‘you’re not loveable’    and    ‘you’re not worthy’    were prominent in the height of my disorder, and from speaking to others, reading about anorexia and through therapy sessions seem a common factor in the disorder. So, when you think you’re breaking through and they resurface again, it can be hard firstly not to ignore them, and secondly to overcome them once more. I mean, if they keep remerging then surely there must be some truth in them right?! At least that’s what my brain thought.

Recovery is never going to be      perfect     – I know as many sufferers are perfectionists, meticulous about tiny details or even OCD, this can be tough – but accepting that bumps will crop up along the way and will inevitably delay progress helps in preparing for and dealing with them when they arrive. Just so long as they don’t stick you into reverse – there is no harm done in fact they can make you stronger as a result.

For me it was a large slice of cake – a sense of guilt afterward and a strong desire to reduce lunch to compensate – especially as my family who ate similar amounts in the morning were saying they were full and didn’t want anything. While this may seem only natural, when in recovery, especially when still on a high calorie weight restoring diet, it is important to keep it up, to continue with balanced and equal meals and to treat yourself. To accept that   it’s okay   to go out and enjoy a slice of cake, that its not going to harm you and that you, like anyone else are capable and worthy of enjoying the foods you love.

 


Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Banoffee Muffins Recipe Card

 
Post a Comment
Read more

My Experience of AN

 My Experience of AN Anorexia affects everyone differently – while there are some common traits or symptoms how people manage/experience them and the struggles associated with the illness is unique For me anorexia developed gradually after innocent weight loss following comments about my appearance and bullying at school. These experiences have made me very wary of people around me so trusting others and building relationships is hard. Not only that but it made me highly self-conscious – a trait many ED patients share (this can be heightened in EDUs as groups form, discussions take place and paranoia becomes intense). While it was gradual in the beginning feelings of worthlessness, being unlovable and a failure triggered its development (this can again be heightened on the ward when people promise things that don’t happen, or patients compare themselves to others and believe they are getting less help or support). As with many who share this disorder, I became competitive i...
Post a Comment
Read more

Hitting that Brick Wall

Hitting that Brick Wall Recovery was never going to be easy – I knew that from the start and have said it many times. But I didn’t imagine it would be quite this tough to keep up the momentum. To give a little context I’m writing this on 16 th January – Christmas went well, and I enjoyed all the chocolates, shortbread and mince pies that you do at this time of year as though nothing had happened. But now the new year has hit and things are getting tricky – for a number of reasons… First off there’s the stereotypical ‘New Year New Me’ posts all over social media. The New Year’s Resolutions - guilt tripping you into unnecessary exercise routines and celebs flaunting their at home workouts to try an motivate others to get into shape. While I understand this may be a life-line to some it’s important to remember: ‘You do not need to earn food!’ - your body needs energy and fuel just to survive and do the day to day – from thinking, breathing and digesting, you’re body needs you to ea...
Post a Comment
Read more