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Hitting that Brick Wall

Hitting that Brick Wall

Recovery was never going to be easy – I knew that from the start and have said it many times. But I didn’t imagine it would be quite this tough to keep up the momentum.

To give a little context I’m writing this on 16th January – Christmas went well, and I enjoyed all the chocolates, shortbread and mince pies that you do at this time of year as though nothing had happened. But now the new year has hit and things are getting tricky – for a number of reasons…

First off there’s the stereotypical ‘New Year New Me’ posts all over social media. The New Year’s Resolutions - guilt tripping you into unnecessary exercise routines and celebs flaunting their at home workouts to try an motivate others to get into shape. While I understand this may be a life-line to some it’s important to remember: ‘You do not need to earn food!’ - your body needs energy and fuel just to survive and do the day to day – from thinking, breathing and digesting, you’re body needs you to eat not to burn off all the energy you feed it – and exercise shouldn’t become the justification for eating. Burning the candle at both ends leads to restlessness, irritation and pure exhaustion all of which can change you’re mood, reactions and emotions – all in all they just don’t make for a nice person to be around

Next there’s the issue of overthinking – throughout my life and my illness, my weight has been my worst enemy. Of course, many people put on weight over the festive period, and I was no exception.  The hard bit is not comparing and contrasting your diet from weeks where its stable to those where it’s gone up and recognising even if it does increase this is not a bad thing! For me this is a healthy weight – a healthy version of myself and a version that I, along with those around me should love and be proud of – I’ve worked hard for this and should appreciate it for what it is

Old habits creeping back in – it’s inevitable that the road to recovery is going to have bumps. But keeping those old habits and thoughts at bay is a pothole that can crop up and cause significant damage. As with most things they’re a slippery slope. Bad thoughts can escalate, old rules can come back. We have a habit of increase they’re rigidity each and every day – getting a thrill from exceeding our own expectations.  

Others telling you you’re fine. As I said – for me personally Christmas seemed to go really well, the issue being keeping the momentum and not seeing this as a ‘purge’ – allowing yourself to binge for a special occasion just to cut back hereafter. Chocolates and sweet treats (like dogs – if you know, you know!) are not just for Christmas! They can and should be enjoyed all year round.

Lockdown! Surely I’m not the only one that’s getting tired of this now – we’re on lockdown V3.0 and unlike the second, although similar to the first last year - there’s no definite end date to look forward to, countdown to or plan for - which makes it all so much harder to bear! These are challenging times and they can be really draining. Not being able to go to the shops, see friends and family and just feeling normal! It’s a nice, and in my mind pretty valid, excuse to blame all these negative feelings on but we have survived two already (okay, yes for me and I’m sure many others it was only by the skin of my teeth but still!) We will get through it and as with all things, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Everyone says that Christmas will be the hard bit but I think it’s important to remember the consequences go on and it can take time for people to reflect on actions they’ve taken. January for me is going to be tough but acknowledging all of the above, remembering those things in my previous blog that helped me on my recovery journey and being honest is the best way to get through – after all January won’t last forever, neither will these thoughts or feelings and there is much better times to come.

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