foodie_student_life

My experience of an eating disorder Tuesday 30th June 2020. For many it was just another lockdown day, in a year to be forgotten but this is one I will always remember. Being escorted to hospital in disbelief, in denial that things could ever have gotten so bad. Still believing in my mind that I was okay and didn’t need this kind of help, that I could do it by myself – despite no longer being able to walk unaided up the stairs, struggling to lift myself off a chair and having to ask my family for help getting dressed. It was a turning point for me, the moment I was hit with the reality and the severity of my eating disorder, the long-lasting damage that I might have done. And, with all control taken away, I was confronted with the power that it had on me.  I’d known for a while that I was struggling, my friends at uni months before had told me they were worried. We’d agreed that it was anorexia – that I was showing those traits, that I needed to do something about it. And I tried. But

 Unhelpful Thinking  I am a true believer in learning and expanding your knowledge. From this you can begin to solve problems, understand yourself and the world around you. Learning the details of my disorder, the harm that it was doing to me and those around me helped in overcoming my eating disorder and restoring balance within my thoughts and lifestyle in general. But one of the greatest things I learnt while in hospital last year was how unhelpful thinking styles I'd developed, and begun to rely on, were negatively impacting my emotions leading to the depression and anxiety that had become such a part of who I was. Snowballing, these lead to unhealthy behaviours, food rules and compulsive exercise regimes within the eating disorder that drove me to destruction.   Learning about these I was able to identify and recognise them within myself - the first step in conquering them and adopting a more positive and healthier mindset.  I acknowledge that some of these are common-place. A

Hitting that Brick Wall Recovery was never going to be easy – I knew that from the start and have said it many times. But I didn’t imagine it would be quite this tough to keep up the momentum. To give a little context I’m writing this on 16 th January – Christmas went well, and I enjoyed all the chocolates, shortbread and mince pies that you do at this time of year as though nothing had happened. But now the new year has hit and things are getting tricky – for a number of reasons… First off there’s the stereotypical ‘New Year New Me’ posts all over social media. The New Year’s Resolutions - guilt tripping you into unnecessary exercise routines and celebs flaunting their at home workouts to try an motivate others to get into shape. While I understand this may be a life-line to some it’s important to remember: ‘You do not need to earn food!’ - your body needs energy and fuel just to survive and do the day to day – from thinking, breathing and digesting, you’re body needs you to ea

Overcoming Anorexia This year has been a tough one, it saw my downfall with anorexia nervosa, an illness that had eaten away at me for years but finally came to a head during the first national lockdown. A heart to heart with my mum and I was determined to try and help myself, I was going to try to get better – but something in my mind just wouldn’t let me. Those ‘anorexic voices’ were just to strong and no matter how much I tried to increase a ¼ of a biscuit to a ½ my mind forced me to make up for it in some way. It wasn’t until I was taken to hospital that it really struck me just how serious this had gotten and that I needed to be saved. My passion and devotion for recovery just got stronger and stronger – below are some of the key factors that helped me overcome my eating disorder 1) Never lose sight of why you're doing it - what you want to achieve - where you want to get to - food freedom - a life without worries. It may be smaller steps like 'I want to be able to

  Recovery is never going to be perfect…   Breaking free of         distorted thinking        …it’s harder than you think. Just when everything seems to be going smoothly, some niggling voice seems always to come back and haunt me. I’ve been doing well in recovery since I’ve been discharged from hospital but last week for the first time in a while I had, what can only be described as a ‘ wobble ’. A brief spell in which the thoughts and feelings that once ruled my life returned with vengeance. The thoughts:     ‘you’re not good enough’         ‘you’re not loveable’    and     ‘you’re not worthy’    were prominent in the height of my disorder, and from speaking to others, reading about anorexia and through therapy sessions seem a common factor in the disorder. So, when you think you’re breaking through and they resurface again, it can be hard firstly not to ignore them, and secondly to overcome them once more. I mean, if they keep remerging then surely there must be some truth in

 My Experience of AN Anorexia affects everyone differently – while there are some common traits or symptoms how people manage/experience them and the struggles associated with the illness is unique For me anorexia developed gradually after innocent weight loss following comments about my appearance and bullying at school. These experiences have made me very wary of people around me so trusting others and building relationships is hard. Not only that but it made me highly self-conscious – a trait many ED patients share (this can be heightened in EDUs as groups form, discussions take place and paranoia becomes intense). While it was gradual in the beginning feelings of worthlessness, being unlovable and a failure triggered its development (this can again be heightened on the ward when people promise things that don’t happen, or patients compare themselves to others and believe they are getting less help or support). As with many who share this disorder, I became competitive in ma