An uphill struggle

I’m fighting a massive personal battle at the moment - it’s only recently that I’ve come to terms with it, and let others know. I had a massive heart to heart with my mum about the whole situation and it broke my heart that she said it made her feel as though she’d failed me as a mother .
When it comes to eds there’s nothing anyone else can do - it feels isolating but it’s true. While people can support and offer help, at the end of the day it’s a personal thing and right now it seems like a very steep hill to climb.
Don’t get me wrong others can influence it most definitely- for better and for worse. I am so grateful for the support network I have around me and those trying their best to support. I’ve recently made new connections with others who have battled against it online - their tips and guidance have been valuable but that’s for another post. My mum has tried to help where she can, saying congratulations when she sees I’ve tried to overcome or challenge myself. Without my best friend I wouldn’t necessarily have accepted it either so, she’s had a massive part to play and is so encouraging in asking how I am. People can have a great impact - but it can make things worse too. Firstly, for me and I think many others, it’s the words people say that started the fire in the first place - I hold certain memories that I look back now and know have contributed- the little things that people have said at various points and how now I see it triggered me to this. The comments don’t stop, people talking, it just changed context. Somethings now people say or do - they patronise and make it worse. When people are too helpful or enforcing of ‘making you better’ it can lead to a stronger resistance and defence.
My fight is still early on and it’s a long way up from here.

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My experience of an eating disorder

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