A very personal post

I’ve been feeling down recently, possibly down to exam stress (can’t wait untill they’re over) but potentially due to something I’ve been suffering from for a while but never wanted to admit.

Since I looked at myself in the mirror, didn’t want to go to summer ball because I couldn’t fit into the dresses I’d ordered and realised I needed to make a change my weight loss journey has, in macro terms been a success. I’ve lost the weight I wanted to and find myself fitter, healthier and sometimes happier as a result.

Why only sometimes? Because other times I find myself as I am tonight writing this blog: lonely, feeling guilty for enjoying a sweet treat and dreading the consequences that missing a couple of days at the gym will have in making me look.

Some days my anorexia (although never formally diagnosed, it’s quite obvious I’m a sufferer) means I eat only one meal a day, if at all. Others I find myself snacking away and feeling miserable and guilty as a result. ‘What is wrong with me?’ I often think, or why did I do that as I swallow down another square of chocolate. These things I don’t know the answers to, and at the moment I can’t see myself finding the solution, it looks as though I’m going to be stuck in this cycle for a while but truly all I want is an escape - to be able to eat dessert at Sunday lunch without starving myself for days after or joining in with a house takeaway because, why the heck not!!?

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