Skip to main content

A very personal post

A very personal post
I’ve been feeling down recently, possibly down to exam stress (can’t wait untill they’re over) but potentially due to something I’ve been suffering from for a while but never wanted to admit.

Since I looked at myself in the mirror, didn’t want to go to summer ball because I couldn’t fit into the dresses I’d ordered and realised I needed to make a change my weight loss journey has, in macro terms been a success. I’ve lost the weight I wanted to and find myself fitter, healthier and sometimes happier as a result. 
Why only sometimes? Because other times I find myself as I am tonight writing this blog: lonely, feeling guilty for enjoying a sweet treat and dreading the consequences that missing a couple of days at the gym will have in making me look.

Some days my anorexia (although never formally diagnosed, it’s quite obvious I’m a sufferer) means I eat only one meal a day, if at all. Others I find myself snacking away and feeling miserable and guilty as a result. ‘What is wrong with me?’ I often think, or why did I do that as I swallow down another square of chocolate. These things I don’t know the answers to, and at the moment I can’t see myself finding the solution, it looks as though I’m going to be stuck in this cycle for a while but truly all I want is an escape - to be able to eat dessert at Sunday lunch without starving myself for days after or joining in with a house takeaway because, why the heck not!!? 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Banoffee Muffins Recipe Card

 
Post a Comment
Read more

My Experience of AN

 My Experience of AN Anorexia affects everyone differently – while there are some common traits or symptoms how people manage/experience them and the struggles associated with the illness is unique For me anorexia developed gradually after innocent weight loss following comments about my appearance and bullying at school. These experiences have made me very wary of people around me so trusting others and building relationships is hard. Not only that but it made me highly self-conscious – a trait many ED patients share (this can be heightened in EDUs as groups form, discussions take place and paranoia becomes intense). While it was gradual in the beginning feelings of worthlessness, being unlovable and a failure triggered its development (this can again be heightened on the ward when people promise things that don’t happen, or patients compare themselves to others and believe they are getting less help or support). As with many who share this disorder, I became competitive i...
Post a Comment
Read more

Hitting that Brick Wall

Hitting that Brick Wall Recovery was never going to be easy – I knew that from the start and have said it many times. But I didn’t imagine it would be quite this tough to keep up the momentum. To give a little context I’m writing this on 16 th January – Christmas went well, and I enjoyed all the chocolates, shortbread and mince pies that you do at this time of year as though nothing had happened. But now the new year has hit and things are getting tricky – for a number of reasons… First off there’s the stereotypical ‘New Year New Me’ posts all over social media. The New Year’s Resolutions - guilt tripping you into unnecessary exercise routines and celebs flaunting their at home workouts to try an motivate others to get into shape. While I understand this may be a life-line to some it’s important to remember: ‘You do not need to earn food!’ - your body needs energy and fuel just to survive and do the day to day – from thinking, breathing and digesting, you’re body needs you to ea...
Post a Comment
Read more