Overcoming Anorexia

Overcoming Anorexia

This year has been a tough one, it saw my downfall with anorexia nervosa, an illness that had eaten away at me for years but finally came to a head during the first national lockdown.

A heart to heart with my mum and I was determined to try and help myself, I was going to try to get better – but something in my mind just wouldn’t let me. Those ‘anorexic voices’ were just to strong and no matter how much I tried to increase a ¼ of a biscuit to a ½ my mind forced me to make up for it in some way.

It wasn’t until I was taken to hospital that it really struck me just how serious this had gotten and that I needed to be saved. My passion and devotion for recovery just got stronger and stronger – below are some of the key factors that helped me overcome my eating disorder

1) Never lose sight of why you're doing it - what you want to achieve - where you want to get to - food freedom - a life without worries. It may be smaller steps like 'I want to be able to eat with my family' or 'I want to be able to finish a meal and not feel guilty' - however, big or small, keep in mind your goals and objectives. Look at those around you, family and friends, how they can easily go for a coffee or a meal, grab a sandwich, snack on a long journey, or eat ice-cream out the tub when watching a movie – think of all the things you want to be able to do too, and how much better they’ll be without worry and fear.

2) Don't forget you're loved. It's an easy mistake to make - 'someone didn't send me a message this morning' or 'everyone looks at me differently', 'no-one has time for me'. Your mind is your worst enemy in turning everyone against you but truly there are many people willing you on and wanting you to get better, they want the best for you (even if it doesn't seem that way) - always remember those most important to you and in your darkest moments reach out to them, remember them and make them proud

3) There is a light at the end of the tunnel - it is possible to recover, it takes a lot of bloody hard work but it can be done - don't believe me? Accounts like @pippafindslife just prove it – a truly inspirational woman who has overcome so so much and now thrives

4a) Feelings aren't facts... - a life mantra a friend taught me when I was at my worst - what you're feeling is made up from your distorted thoughts and is not true! We’re often our own harshest critics and say to ourselves some nasty stuff that we would never dream of saying to anyone else and the impact is evident. It gets us down, makes us feel unlovable, unworthy and like the worst human being around but those feelings just aren’t true – their distortions we have put there and a change in mindset can eradicate them

4b) ...and they don't last forever - however you're feeling right now will not last, feelings like emotions come and go, pick yourself up (whack some Disney songs on) and get back to a happy place 

5) It's a wider problem than just you - how you behave, how you treat food, how you speak and treat others, they all have wider impacts to those around you - those you live with, work with, family and friends. It's hard to see them crumble or come on your journey of destruction, they often hold it in very well, but they'll be feeling just as guilty when they see you suffer. I know this as just recently, my sister admitted to me that she was signed off work the whole time I was in hospital – unable to cope with the strain and the emotions

6) Learning can be your best remedy - it was for me. Learning about yourself, your illness and your biggest fears - your behaviours, how your thoughts impact you and the damage you could cause. Researching and reading about anorexia made it easier for me to understand my own thoughts and feelings - to recognised distorted behaviours and thinking and to realise how sad my life had become obsessed with food and unable to justify enjoying it

7) No-one judges you on the things that they do. My therapist once asked me to list the things I love about my family, their best qualities, and what makes them them. I did… my mum – she’s caring, clever, observant and good fun. My dad – well, he’s a joker, a good hugger, and supportive… the list goes on – notice when you do this, that not once do we judge others on their appearance, their size or how their clothes fit! And in all honesty, that’s not what they think about when they see you either – think of this, the qualities you hold, what makes you you and the importance you place on each of these characteristics.

8) You deserve better! Anorexia is a horrible illness, I wouldn't wish it upon anybody. It isn't choosy in how it targets or effects, but everyone it does deserves so much better - to be the people they really are, to live life and to experience the pleasures and adventures it may bring - to work, to play, to be with family and friends, to see the world and to grow - no-one deserves to be trapped by this illness.